The first Friday Free-for-All article. Hmmm, now there’s some alliteration for You…
There are so many things to write about, but i think i will start this column with a general rant about things that bothered me in 2010 – and maybe even throw in some things i liked, too.
First, let’s start with the obvious: the Dallas Cowboys. Sheesh. This is what we call an exercise in futility. i Truly didn’t know it was possible to make a boy born and raised in Texas hate pro football. Well, congratulations, Cowboys. Because of You, i now don’t really care that much anymore – and, what’s worse – You’re also to blame for global warming. i don’t know how yet, but – given Your unique ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory – i know it’s Your fault somehow. How does it feel to murder the dreams of little kids & old men while simultaneously murdering polar bears? Congratulations….
Second, there’s mobile phones, or – more specifically – the people who use them. i rarely have real, substantive conversations anymore, because no one focuses or pays attention without the distraction of mobile phones. Nevermind, the dangers of texting and driving, the awfulness of being able to be contacted anywhere at any time for any reason, or the disgusting addiction to mobile Facebook. There’s a new movement afoot in the privileged circles called “unplugged,” and it stands for not being so linked in technologically. Apparently, i was the forefather of that movement, and i am looking to broadcast that and gain lots of celebrity with my Twitter account…
Third, Larry King is no longer on the air. Really? i don’t know what’s worse: that it took this long to get him off the air or that Joy Behar now has a talk show. Seriously, friends – the end is near. Buy cans of hominy, get Your cellars prepared, and buy a big, dangerous dog. Any day now, the apocalypse begins…
Fourth, Time’s Person of the Year is the Facebook kid. Yes, You read that right. No, You are not having a nightmare…
Fifth, America is facing a severe deficit crisis that threatens to put us in virtual bankruptcy a la Greece or Ireland. How do our politicians respond to this crisis (since – as Rahm Immanuel famously taught us – we don’t ever want to waste a crisis)? They went out and spent $900 Billion. No, i did not just call You a cuss word. That is Your imagination, friend….
Sixth, Conan O’Brien is back on TV.
Seventh, Conan O’Brien is back on TV.
Eighth, apparently, the Miami Heat is just a nickname, and they’re not so hot after all. Funny. my Celtics didn’t say much during the offseason as they signed great player after great player. Hmmm…
Ninth, it’s Christmas time. Besides all the other good reasons to hate Christmas, there is always the incessant playing of music that just can’t cut it at any other time of year.
Tenth, i would have had ten items for You, but there isn’t a tenth one worth mentioning. i mean, there was Bristol Palin on Dancing With The Stars, but You see what i mean. i rest my case…
OK, maybe i’ll get around to the good stuff next week…but probably not. Have a Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year!
There's nothing wrong with the Cowboys that a new owner, new GM, new coach and 53 new players wouldn't cure. Seriously, though, with some secondary help and ... Oh, sorry, I'm getting a call... ...oh, I don't recognize that number... What was I saying? Oh, well, you weren't important enough to hold my attention, anyway...
ReplyDeleteAs for Christmas, station 103.7 here in Dallas started playing Christmas music around the 15th. Of NOVEMBER. I'm not kidding. I was tired of Christmas before Thanksgiving arrived.
And I would never suggest that the Mavericks are better than the Celtics, the Celts have just too much history (including recent history) for that. But Mark Cuban is looking into destroying the BCS, so I will say our owner is the NBA's awesomest! (Huh. Spell check doesn't think awesomest is a word. Dumb computer.)
Have a good weekend, mshane!