Thursday, January 13, 2011

01-13-2011 Personal Post #5: Glimmers Of Hope Amidst Splinters of Brokenness


“Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased.
Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken.
But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever….”
(Unknown)

“To Love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.
If You want to make sure of keeping it intact,
You must give Your heart to no one – not even to an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements;
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of Your selfishness,
but – in that casket: safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change.
It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable….”
(C.S. Lewis)

“Hold fast to Your dreams, for
without them Life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly….”
(Langston Hughes)

i am learning these days that the human desire for equilibrium is not as simple as hoping for balance.  i have had balance in my Life, and it doesn’t equal equilibrium.  No, what i am looking for is what the Bible calls “shalöm,” which is often translated as “peace” in various translations.  However, “peace” doesn’t really accurately translate or fully encompass the meaning of shalom.  i think the best definition i have personally ever heard of shalom is “nothing missing, nothing broken.”  Yea, that’s pretty much what i’m looking for….

This week has been a week of moderate highs and lows.  It has been full of other people’s sufferings and my own struggles, but those draining factors have been met with the encouragement and investment of people who are close to me.  i am a fortunate man; i am a rich man.  i am owned by the best Master: Y’shua, and i am surrounded by some of the most amazing people a person could ever know.  There are covenant brothers, supportive parents, close friends, family, and more.  i rarely lack for someone to care about me, even if they aren’t caring for me.

For me, a big part of this past three to five years’ season of surviving deep personal assault from the enemy has been trying not to react in kind and become a terrorist instead of a son of the King.  Instead, the LORD Most High has been trying to train me to respond instead of react, when necessary, and – ideally – to be proactive instead of either reacting or responding…to stay my fear with a steady & faithful hand, an indefatigable resolve, and a single-minded focus on His call on my Life…to not grow cold or calloused or indifferent…to guard against apathy regarding either myself or others…to not be shaped by the ongoing war with all its smaller battles and impromptu skirmishes and incessant ambushes to become more like the enemy, but rather to embrace the Light in the midst of darkness as a method of being shaped in this war to become more like Him.

Today, i had lunch with a spiritual father, a trusted counselor, and a good friend (all the same person).  As i was sitting there and confessing my weaknesses, sharing my struggles, and recounting God’s faithfulnesses, i was struck by the dichotomy in my Life of glimmers of hope amidst splinters of brokenness.  i am not perfect – far from it.  However, i am heartened by the direction in which my Life is heading.  It is filled with both struggles that seem to always end in defeat and some that regularly climax in triumph.  The struggle is beneficial, though.  Today’s lunch reminded me that i am just a work-in-progress and that my journey is ongoing.


It feels natural to return in kind: to return hurt for hurt…to insist upon justice until it is my turn and then plead for mercy…to let the immaturity of another serve as an excuse for my immature response instead of rising above the pettiness to establish a higher standard.  That is natural: to pray for friends to prey on my enemies instead of praying for my enemies to be won over as friends…to mock in the thoroughfare where grace once paved streets of second chances instead of offering cups of water to marathoners…to find vindication in the demise of others who hurled inaccurate, indiscriminate, & infuriating insults.  Yes, natural, but not godly…

It is my call (our call) to not Live naturally, but to Live supernaturally…to not lean on sight or sense or conditioning, but to trust in faith…to not exist with survival as the pinnacle but rather to flourish amidst adversity with abundance as the norm and sharing as the posture.  i confess to You all that i don’t always do that well; in fact, i rarely do that well.  i am trying, though…

i want to Love despite failing at it previously…to Love in spite of not being very good at either giving or receiving it…to Love, because it is what my Dad does…to Love, because it’s what i was made to do as a reflection of my being.  i want to migrate – not towards balance with an equal supply of good canceling out the bad, but towards shalöm where everything that should be present is present, occupying its appointed place, serving its anointed purpose, and driving away deficit, preventing loss, and defying lack.  i want to dream dreams and have my vision altered with His visions.  i’m tired of being an organism aLive struggling to achieve homeostasis to avoid to dynamic change; i want to rest in shalom and embrace the journey, whatever it involves for His glory and the benefit of those whom He places in my ChristLife.

Just where i am today on this Personal Thursday.  Shalom to each and all of You.  Blessings to You from the LORD Most High today...

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