01-19-2011 Theological Post #6: Finders Keepers

“Whoever finds his own Life will lose it, but

the person who loses his Life for my sake will find it…”.

(The Gospel Of Saint Matthew 10:39)

“Whoever wants to save his own Life will destroy it, but

Whoever destroys his Life for my sake will find it…”.

(The Gospel Of Saint Matthew 16:25)

Do You remember the exhilaration of finding something when You were a kid?  Especially if it was pleasing to the sight of Your eyes or the smell of Your nose or the touch of Your hands or face or the taste of Your mouth or the sound of Your ears, it was awesome.  Especially if, usually later, You found it to be of some great worth that, heretofore, had been unbenounced to You, it was so fun.  Especially if it was rare, it was exquisite.

How about the losses?  How about when You lost Your retainer and had to search through the school trash heap or lost Your uniform on the day of the game or lost Your recall at the moment the test fell from the teacher’s hand to Your desk?  Or, usually later, when You lost Your best friend to suicide or Your hope to abuse or neglect or Your joy to depression?

In any of those memories, do the words “Finders Keepers” surface?  For me, they come up on the screen often.  Sometimes spoken in covetous power by me, sometimes in mocking greed by others.  Interesting, this business of finding and this obsession with keeping.  Neither seem to be particularly attractive to me nowadays, but both are still eerily appealing.

i had dinner with a friend Monday night.  Two years ago, she was lost.  She couldn’t find her way.  She wondered if anyone wanted her — even for a moment.  The thought of someone keeping her seemed a distant wish with no fairy godmother to grant access.

Good thing she knows Y’shua….

She was graduating with her Master’s degree in theology.  She is one of the most encouraging, humble, and authentic people i know.  She beams with joy and glows with Light when she talks about her friends, and she radiates warmth and Love when she speaks of God.

Good thing i know her….

In these last two years, i have needed her friendship.  It has been a long, hard road for me over these last few years.  Friends like her have helped to ease the pain, to Light the way, and to move the mountains.  She is not the only one, by far, but she is an important one.

Y’shua taught us, on at least two different occasions, about finding & keeping.  For me, it seems like He’s been teaching me for all of my Life.

Good thing Y’shua knows me….

One time, He said, “Whoever finds his own Life will lose it, but the person who loses his Life for my sake will find it…”.  i had a Life before i knew Him, but — and Thank God — i never had a Life before He knew me.  The Life i had on my own wasn’t a very good one.  O, don’t get me wrong — it wasn’t bad enough to long for another one or to want to extinguish in disgust or resignation, but it wasn’t utopian or spoiled or overtly extravagant.  It was the Life of my parents heritage and my own making.  In other words, it was fine…it was comfortable…it was “normal” to me.  But it was mine and not His....

And, True to His prophecy, i lost it.  i lost all of it.  i lost the purity, the reputation, the confidence, the favor, the plan, the hope, and the joy.  i lost my way, and i almost lost my mind.  i lost myself.

Today, i’m in the process of losing my newest Life, one that i had most recently built.  i’ve lost all the stuff i lost the first time, but — additionally — this time i’ve lost friends and people who supported me (whether or not they were friends), my credit rating, my relational credibility, my chance to get it right the first time around, and my opportunities.  i’ve lost my way, and i almost lost my soul….

The only hope is that He knows me.  He gets me.  He Loves me.  He wants me.  Finders Keepers?  Apparently, i’m not so good at it, but He seems to excel at it.  i think the only question right now in my Life is this: am i losing my Life for His sake, or because for some other reason?

Good thing i know Y’shua….

i know what i want the answer to be to that question.  It would make me happy…it would make me glad for Him…it would give me peace…if i could answer that i am losing my most recent manufactured (as opposed to His created) existence for His sake, and that He is returning to me — in the place of my manufactured existence — His ChristLife.  i’m not yet convinced one way or the other, but i do know about my friend….

“Whoever wants to save his own Life will destroy it, but whoever destroys his Life for my sake will find it…”.  A whole different can of worms, this teaching.  Not nearly the same as the other one mentioned above.  A second question i currently have is: Can i muster up the courage to destroy what i’ve manufactured for myself (since, if He’s right — and You know He always is, that i’m going to destroy what i’ve manufactured for myself the harder i try to preserve it) and trust that He will let me find something better?

Again, i know what i want the answer to be to that question.  The first dilemma was about losing something i had found on my own versus losing something for His sake.  This second quandary is about destroying something i possess, either way, with no option of continuing the possession.  The only choice in this second crossroads is whether or not the destruction will culminate in ruin (if i choose to foolishly try to preserve what i cannot maintain and that is outside of the human purview) or finding something better (if i choose to proactively destroy what i currently possess in hope of the promise of something else that is currently unknown to me).

When i was younger, i wondered why it took Abraham 15 years to progress or Israel so long in the wandering to arrive.  i never wonder about that anymore, because now i know.  We get in our own way.  Our journeys are prolonged, or at least mine often is, by my trying to see if circumvention of the Truth is possible or by invalid supposings that the LORD Most High might relent in His righteousness or by stubborn beliefs that my will counts for more than His….

Eventually, my friend moved to China.  People who wouldn’t hire her here support her there.  People want her there.  She has become a kept woman, so to speak: kept by Y’shua.  He uses her to teach people about Him, and she Loves it.  It seems to have solved things for her…to have filled in deficits…to have moved her beyond what used to be sticking points…to have equipped her to contribute more profoundly…to have fulfilled the desires of her heart.  i don’t know how well she fares with Finders Keepers, but i do know He seems to excel at it….