Gräsday, Jāseph 29th, 7703 (Thursday, 02-03-2011); Personal Post #8: Isolationism

“The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters…”.
(Friedrich Nietszche)

“When You close Your doors, and make darkness within,

remember never to say that You are alone — for You are not alone;

Nay, God is within, and Your genius is within.

And what need have they of Light to see what You are doing?”
(Epictetus)

“Language has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone, and

the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone…”.
(Paul Tillich)

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty…”.
(Mother Teresa)

“The surest cure for vanity is loneliness…”.
(Thomas Wolfe)

There’s a lot of talk these days about “protectionism,” “isolationism,” “nativism,” and like terms.  Part of that is due to President Bush discussing these thing on his recent book tour, part of it has to do with the ongoing immigration debate domestically, part of it has to do with the current global financial crisis and the True-color tendencies it normally evokes in people, part of it has to do with the unrest in Africa & the Middle East, and there are other factors, too.  In any case, i want to discuss today what i call “personal isolationism.”

As a human being, i am not any more immune to hurt, betrayal, injury, or any other emotional experience than is anyone else.  As a normal person, i am not any less defensive, protectionistic, or guarded than is anyone else.  All of us have conditioned tendencies to keep people “at arm’s length” or at a distance.  It’s partly human nature and partly conditioned response, but we tend to believe that to be more alone is to be more safe — at least as it regards other humans.  We know intuitively that we may not survive the lions and pythons and alligators, but at least we won’t die by gunshot.  So, we wall ourselves up, amass ammunition, devise strategies, & restrict access to ourselves in an attempt to make ourselves safe.  It’s basic Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs type stuff….

i am committed to not doing that any more than i absolutely have to do.  Obviously, there is a balance between the need for safety and the need for exploration.  Of course there is a balance to that, but there is also a danger in drawing Your circle too tightly….

Many of You may either doubt or outright disagree with this next statement, but i am an introvert.  i have always required several hours a day of being alone in quiet to function properly, and i have a great deal of that now that i am divorced.  A friend of mine said to me the other day, “You seem “better” than You have been in a long, long time…”.  i thanked him and said that i feel “better” than i have in a long, long time.  There is a healthy affect (at least for me) that comes from acknowledging my introvert personality and honoring that by being quiet.  my favorite days are days when i wake up and don’t speak until well into the afternoon; i Love those days.  my favorite times are when i can just be alone for hours upon hours studying or writing or shooting baskets or whatever.  When i don’t get enough time by myself, i get cranky, frazzled, and lose my way.

However, there’s also a danger to being alone too much — especially for an introvert like me.  While i genuinely enjoy people and the mutual, contributive, & interactive exchange we have when i’m with them, i have learned about myself that i can come to depend on that interaction (and, therefore, on them as people) too much.  i do enjoy people and social situations, as long as i don’t feel out of place, unvalued, or uninterested by the circumstances.  The fact that i enjoy people (although not as much as being alone) has caused some trouble for me in my Life.  Friends have remarked to me all my Life how intense i am relationally and how much energy it takes for them to engage with me in a friendship, partnership, or other kind of relationship.  Although it seems to me most of the time that they testify to being more invigorated by our relationship than drained, i know that i require a lot of people.  And, generally speaking, i give them all i have of myself, which requires a lot of me, too.  While i wouldn’t have it any other way, i have had people who dearly Loved me (and still do) choose to walk away from me just because they couldn’t handle the level of mutual investment that is exchanged.  Even as an introvert, i am a human being and, therefore, a social creature who needs social interaction with others to thrive physically, emotionally, & spiritually.

i am writing this today to let You know a couple of things: 1) i need time with You, 2) i need time away from You, and 3) i need, most of all, You.  For example, this Blog has been a tremendous Blessing due to the interaction it brings me through comments, personal emails, and other forms of interaction.  Thank You for participating in my ChristLife and giving me the chance to participate in Yours.  It means a lot to this old introvert….