Ünday, Matamín 11th, 7703 (Tuesday, 02-15-2011) Cultural Post (CP Article) #10: The Grammys Recap

“This past Monday I had the pleasure of having sex with her, on TV no less.

It left me exhausted, aroused, and more than a little confused…”.
(Neil Patrick Harris introducing Katy Perry)

“i should have thanked my wife instead of Howard Stern,

because i'm probably in a lot of trouble…”.
(Train frontman Patrick Monahan backstage after accepting

the award for pop performance with vocals by a duo or group)

“Sorry, i just got a text. Can you repeat the question…?”
(Justin Bieber backstage taking questions from reporters)

Ah, the Grammys.  The Grammys are like my Super Bowl, except that the Super Bowl is actually my Super Bowl.  Hmmm….

i guess, then, that the Grammys are like my…uh, Grammys!  As a musician, i Love to watch the performances, because people do things at the Grammys that they don’t ever do anywhere else.  i remember Prince opening 2004 by playing Purple Rain in the dark, and — halfway through — Beyoncé comes out and joins him on his miniset (including an awesome version of Let’s Go Crazy).  Sometimes, the Grammys change the way i view artists.  For example, i never cared about Justin Timberlake or thought of him as talented until i saw him with Arturo Sandoval one year doing Senorita (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch1sdksaRgk).  And the best part, for me, is usually discovering new artists i don’t know and getting introduced to them.  This year, Mumford & Sons, Esperanza Spalding, & the Avett Brothers were among those discoveries.

But the performances are always the best.  The notable performances for me this year were the trio of Nora Jones, John Mayer, & Keith Urban, Bob Dylan with friends (Mumford & Sons as well as the Avett Brothers), Eminem, Lady Gaga, Lady Antebellum, Katy Perry, and the fabulous tribute to Aretha Franklin with Yolanda Adams, Martina McBride, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, & Florence Welch of Florence & The Machine.  i was disappointed with the performance of The House That Built me by Miranda Lambert, but i Love that song…

Let’s start at the beginning: the Aretha Franklin Tribute.  Damn.

Apparently, this is what happens when You bake a cake using a legend, five flavors of sugar, great songs, and a setting like the Grammys.  Holy Desert, Batgirls!  This is what i hope Heaven is like during leisure hour….

They didn't perform, but they did win the Grammy for Best Pop Duo Or Group Performance with Vocals with Hey Soul Sister.  You can see the video for Train's smash hit here.

The next performance was Lady GaGa with Born This Way.  Now, listen all You peeps, i am not a huge GaGa fan, but i do like her.  It was a fabulous performance, although the song is merely OK.  But her dancing and singing were great.  i’ll leave it at that….

Miranda Lambert’s version of The House That Built me was disappointing because it wasn’t mixed very well from a sound point of view, the acoustic guitar sounded either out of tune or not very rich, and Miranda didn’t sing it very well.  Sad all around, but what an amazing song….

i have no doubt that Bruno Mars, BOB, & Janelle Monae are going to each do great things.  They’re all obviously very talented.  The only one of their performances i really enjoyed was the retro thing Bruno did.  And, girl, seriously — Can we talk hair for a minute?  Wtf?  Janelle, Baby…i Love Ya.  Seriously, i would Love Ya, but next time try to find someone to do Your hair who’s last meaningful credit wasn’t for There’s Something About Mary.

OK, the whole Justin Bieber w/ Usher, Justin Bieber w/ Jayden Smith thing was a little anti-climactic for me, and You know how i hate that.  Seriously, a bad home video, a patronizing intro, and two songs of old, tired dance moves.  O, yea…i almost forgot about the pathetic songs and the mediocre guitar playing.  i like You, Justin, but it’s like that joke about the sugar cookie: “Dude, it’s 2011 — You’re gonna have to bring a little more to the party these days…”.  And Usher: i expect more from You.  You’re amazing — start acting like it….

One of my favorites all night was the mix of Mumford & Sons, The Avett Brothers, & Bob Dylan.  The Mumford & Sons version of The Cave was just awesome.  Nicely done, chaps.  The Avett Brothers’ version of Head Full Of Doubt, Road Full Of Promises was pretty good, too.  If it hadn’t been for not being able to hear Bobby D on Maggie’s Farm, this might have just about been perfect.  i ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s farm no more...Wow, what a great tune.

i was a little perturbed by the description of what Lady Antebellum did as a “tribute” regarding Teddy Pendergrass, but i didn’t want to hear Teddy Pendergrass music (from them anyway).  i Loved their slow version of Need You Now, but i wanted them to kick into singing the whole song.  That song is just freakin’ addictive and one of the best of the last decade.

Then, there was the stunner of the night: Cee-Lo & Gwenyth Paltrow with assorted & sundry puppets.  i’ve never been turned on by a puppet before…well, nevermind.  i think i’ll just skip that part.  Anyway, the Dr. John outfit by Cee-Lo made me actually physically cuss.  Gwenyth, i like Your style, dear.  i like it a lot.  O, and You puppet girl back-up singers…You had me at “ooo”….

What can i say?  i like Katy Perry.  Don’t hate me just because i’m beautiful….

i have always thought Eminem is one of the most talented artists out there.  Him and Rihanna together performing Love The Way You Lie, Part. II with Dr. Dre was great.  i got my fix of rap for the year, and i’m back to sanity.  What a great rap E did, though.  Sheesh — his emotional delivery was off the charts….

i know it’s blasphemy, but i don’t care about Mick Jaggers.  i couldn’t even care enough to watch more than a minute.  What i did see looked fine.

i hate Barbara Streisand’s arrogance, all-around diva-ness, and political views.  Therefore, i don’t support her at all, and i never watch her.  Didn’t see it.  Sorry if You like her.  i hear she’s amazing.  i Loved her in Nuts.  One of the best dates i ever had….

Rihanna & Drake.  Couldn’t get up for this one, and Drake didn’t help.  i guess he’s OK, but Rihanna was great.

Arcade Fire just annoys me.  i don’t know why.  Honestly, i can’t figure out why pulsing strobe lights, music that sounds like it’s the soundtrack to a movie about anarchy, and — honest to God, i kid You not — bicyclists on the stage would annoy me.  Absolutely no freakin’ idea….

By far, the best diddy of the night was the trio of Nora Jones, John Mayer, & Keith Urban doing Dolly Parton’s Jolene.  Proof positive that three enormously talented people and a mic is all You need.  And Nora, sheesh.  Girl, You just hang in there and stay safe.  i need You for the rest of my Life….

There it is: my 2011 Grammy Review.  Hope You enjoyed….